Mission Songs – The Men in Black

Ministering with Power and Authority

While I was a missionary in Hawaii, I spent some time as a Zone Leader. With my companion, I watched over the other missionaries within our (can you guess?) zone. From time to time we were expected to train these missionaries, and we would often try and come up with fun ways to teach principles so that they would “stick.”

One training I gave in Waipahu has pertinence to this discussion of priesthood, and I thought I might include it here. While it was tailored for missionaries, it definitely has application to all priesthood holders. I’ll include the “rap” we made up at the end in case an ex-Hawaiian missionary stumbles upon this and it’s good for a laugh or two (with hyper links included to help with the inside jokes).

The Missionary MIB Rap

We are the best kept secret in the universe.

Our mission is to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end.

We are your best, last, and only line of  offense.

We work with power, we exist by authority.

And we dress in black.


The good guys dress in black, remember that
On a bike, car, bus, we make contact
The title held by me: MISSIONARY
Teaching with great power and authority

You know we won’t cruise, or the spirit’s gone
Conservative suits with the Wembley ties on
Walking urgent, with a purpose
Eating up all of the members’ surplus

And yo, we ain’t got no strings attached.
Our 
flaxen cords are cut so we don’t detract
See something cute, turn our back
Cause we’re keeping holy where the MIB’s are at


Now from the hottest of Waipahu‘s streets
On the horizon white shirts enter the sight tight
Faithful men, 10 on a scale of 10
And then like BOOM white shirts fill the room up

With the quickness talk with the Witnesses
Confounding, and astounding
Testimonies strong tear down doctrine wrong
Ain’t no 
anti-cheese, can I please

Learn what we teach, that’s the way we kick it
Know what I mean?
I see all my 
commitments getting wicked on ya
We’re you’re best, last, and only line of offense against the worst scum of the universe

So don’t fear us – hear us!
If you ever get near us you’ll see that we’re fearless
MIB’s leading up alls your pack
“What’s that stand for?” Men in Black.


Alright, check it, let me tell you this in closing
I know we might seem imposing
But trust me – if we ever come your direction
Believe me – it’s for your own 
election

We don’t be teaching what we need not teach
And we don’t be speaking what we need not speak
So come unto Christ, cut this 
apostate crap
Show love to the black suit, cause that’s the Men in Black

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