Mormon Observations on “The Book of Mormon” the Musical – Spooky Mormon Hell Dream

For a list of all the posts in this series, see here.

Background

Elder Price prepares to leave for Orlando, but remembers mistakes he made as a child and the nightmares he had of hell. He panics when the nightmares start again.

Full Lyrics – “Spooky Mormon Hell Dream”

Elder Price: Long ago when I was five
I snuck in the kitchen late at night
And ate a doughnut with a maple glaze.

My father asked who ate the snack
I said that it was my brother Jack
And Jack got grounded for 14 days.

I’ve lived with that guilt all of my life
And the terrible vision that I had that night!

No! Please, I don’t wanna go back!

Chorus: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Down, down thy soul is cast from the Earth whenceforth ye fell!
The path of fire leads thee to Spooky Mormon Hell Dream!

Welcome back to Spooky Mormon Hell Dream!
You are having A Spooky Mormon Hell Dream now!

Elder Price: And now I’ve gone and done it again!
I’ve committed another awful sin!
I left my mission companion all alone

Oh God, how could I have done this to you?
How could I break rule seventy-two?
And now my soul hath just been thrown back into Spooky Mormon Hell Dream!

Chorus: Down, down to Satan’s realm!
See where you belong!
There is nothing you can do!
No escape from Spooky Mormon Hell Dream!

Jesus: You blamed your brother for eating the doughnut, and now you walk out on your mission companion? You’re a ****!

Elder Price: Jesus, I’m sorry!

Chorus: Jesus hates you, this we know!
For Jesus just told you so!

Skeleton 1: You remember Lucifer!

Skeleton 2: He is even spookier!

Satan: Minions of Hades, have you heard the news?
Kevin was caught playing hooky!
Now he’s back with all you Cath’lics and Jews
It’s super spooky-wooky!

Elder Price: I’m sorry, Lord, it was selfish of me
To break the rules, please I don’t wanna be
In this Spooky Mormon Hell Dream!

Chorus: Spooky Mormon Hell Dream!
Genghis Khan, Jeffrey Dahmer, Hitler, Johnnie Cochran!
The spirits all surround you, spooky, spooky, spooky!

Adolph Hitler: I started a war, and killed millions of Jews!

Genghis Khan: I slaughtered the Chinese!

Jeffrey Dahmer: I stabbed a guy and ****** his corpse!

Johnnie Cochran: I got O. J. freed!

Elder Price: You think that’s bad?
I broke rule seventy-two!

Hitler, Khan, Dahmer, Cochran: Hoh?

Elder Price: I left my companion!
I’m way worse than you!
I hate this Spooky Mormon Hell Dream!

Chorus: Spooky Mormon Hell Dream!

Elder Price: Oh, Heavenly Father!  Give me one more chance!
I won’t break the rules again!

I can’t believe Jesus called me a ****!

Chorus: Welcome, welcome to Spooky Mormon Hell Dream!
You are never waking up from Spooky Mormon Hell Dream!

Elder Price: Oh, please help me Father!  Please let me wake up!
Give me one more chance!  I won’t let you down again!

Chorus: Down, down thy soul is cast from the Earth whenceforth ye fell!
This must be it, you must be there, you must be in Spooky Mormon Hell Dream now!

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