Mormon Observations on “The Book of Mormon” the Musical – Joseph Smith American Moses

For a list of all the posts in this series, see here.

In the interest of giving you a fair warning, there is a lot of offensive language in this song. I’m going to censor some of the language, but it’s not difficult to get it from the context.

Background

Elder Price’s attempt to convert the warlord is unsuccessful. Very discouraged, he goes to a cafe and drowns his sorrows with cups of coffee. Elder Cunningham comes to find him, and tells Elder Price that they at least need to act like missionary companions since the Mission President is coming for a visit soon. The president and other leaders are coming to congratulate the missionaries on their incredible success.

When the leaders come, Elder Price and Elder Cunningham are singled out as the most successful missionaries in Africa. Then, Nabulungi and the other villagers come to perform a pageant for the leaders. This pageant reflects the distorted version of Mormonism that Elder Cunningham had taught them.

Full Lyrics – “Joseph Smith American Moses”

Nabulungi: And now we wish to honor you with the story of Joseph Smith, the American Moses

Mission President: Well, this is very good, praise Christ

Nabulungi and Villagers: Mormon

I’m going to take you back in time
(Mormon)
To the United States, 1823
(Mormon)
A small and odd village called Oopstate New York
(Oopstate)
There was disease and famine
(So sick)

But also in this village lived a simple farmer who would change everything. His name was Joseph Smith.

Hiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiya

Joseph Smith, American Moses
Praise be to Joseph, American prophet man

Village Joseph Smith: Aye, my name is Joseph Smith and I’m going to **** this baby

Mission President: What?

Nabulungi and Villagers: No no Joseph, don’t **** the baby
Joseph Smith, don’t **** the baby

Suddenly the clouds parted and Joseph Smith was visited by God.

Villager God: Joseph Smith, do not **** a baby
I will get rid of your AIDS, if you **** this frog

Nabulungi and Villagers: Hiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiya

Joseph Smith ****** the frog God gave him and his AIDS went away. Then a great wizard named Moroni came down from the Starship Enterprise.

Villager Moroni: Joseph Smith, your village is ****
You shall lead the villagers to a new village
Take these ******* golden plates

Nabulungi and Villagers: (Away)

And on the plates were written the directions to a new land – Sal Tlay Ka Siti
(Sal Tlay Ka Siti)
Joseph tried to convince all the villagers to follow him and his golden plates

Villager Joseph Smith: Liberation, equality, no more slavery for Oopstate Mormon people

I got the golden plates
(Gold plates)
I’m gonna lead the people
(We head West)

We gotta stick together
(Mormons)
We gotta help each other
(We’re Mormons)

And so we climb the mountain
(We head West)
And we cross the river
(We head West)

And we fight the oppression
(Mormons)
By being nice to everyone
(We are Mormons)

Villager Brigham Young: Not so fast Mormons, you shall not pass my mountain

Nabulungi and Villagers: Down from the mountain look who comes
The American warlord Brigham Young

Villager Brigham Young: Yes, I am Brigham Young
I cut off my daughter’s ********
That made God angry so he turned my nose
Into a **** for punishment

Nabulungi and Villagers: Brigham Young, his nose was a ********
What will you do Joseph, will you fight the ******** man

Villager Joseph Smith: Not fight him, help him

Nabulungi and Villagers: Joseph Smith took his magical **** frog
And rubbed it upon Brigham Young’s **** face
And behold Brigham was cured

Joseph Smith, magical AIDS frog
Brigham Young, frog on his **** face

Brigham Young was so grateful
He decided to join the Mormons on their journey

Villager Brigham Young: Compassion, courtesy, let’s be really ******* polite to everyone

I got the golden plates
(Gold plates)
I’m gonna lead the people
(We head West)
We gotta stick together
(Mormons)

Nabulungi and Villagers: Now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad. After traveling for so long, the Mormons ran out of fresh water and become sick with dysentery.

Water go to the water, water go to the cup
Cup go to the stomach, **** come out the butt
**** go in the water, water go in the cup
**** go down the stomach, **** come out the butt

Oh no, the prophet Joseph Smith is now getting sick

**** go in the water, water go in the cup
Cup go to the thirsty, **** go to the stomach
Blood come out the butt, blood go in the water
Water go in the cup, cup go to the tongue
**** blood in the stomach, **** blood in the mouth
**** blood on the insides, water come out the butt

Villager Joseph Smith: Brigham Young, you must take the golden plates and lead the Mormons to the Promised Land. Blarg.

Villager Brigham Young: Desperation, mortality, loss of faith

I got the golden plates
(Gold plates)
I’m got to lead the people
(We head West)

Nabulungi and Villagers: Even though their prophet had died, the Mormons stuck together and helped each other and were really nice to everyone they came across. And then one day the Mormons finally found Sal Tlay Ka Siti
(Sal Tlay Ka Siti)
And there, the Mormons danced with Ewoks and were greeted by Jesus

Villager Jesus: Welcome Mormons. Now, let’s all have as many babies as we can and make big Mormon families.

**** your woman, **** your man
It is all part of God’s plan
Mormons **** all that they can
He’re in Salt Lake City land

Thank you, thank you, but now we are *******
Thank you, thank you, but God wants us *******
Thank you, thank you, but get back to *******
Thank you, thank you, God

Nabulungi and Villagers: Joseph Smith **** frog
Brigham Young **** face
**** come out the butt
Jesus says ****, ****
Mormons

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